The Deafening Sound of Self-Doubt

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self doubt

This project was a long time in the making. My self-doubt was having none of it.

Since sharing my story and having had so many women reaching out to me with theirs, I realised I am not alone. There are so many of us in the same boat, whose lives have taken unexpected turns for whatever reason, who find themselves wondering who they are, what they’ll do, what we are even capable of.

Quite simply, lost.

I had built a reasonable following through my previous blog, which started back in 2008, but due to the events of the last few years I lost my creativity completely. I was afraid to write, afraid of the judgement, and conscious that my every move, my every word, was still being monitored and watched by the ex and his flying monkeys.

That’s not a great feeling to have.

I missed writing. I think I was good at it.

Despite what he said.

I thought I was funny sometimes – and others did too. I used to receive compliments and positive comments and people used to read my musings.

I could be unconventional and thought-provoking and perhaps a little controversial, depending on the time of the month, hormones, bravery, or simply my not-give-a-fuckness at the time.

But I stopped.

I’ve wanted to get back to it but self-doubt kept getting the better of me.

You’re no good.

You’re not funny.

You’re a shit writer.

You’re shit at everything.

Except I know I’m not shit at everything. Because nobody is shit at everything.

And the bottom line is, I want to write.

And the next line is that I want to help people.

So here I am, shaking off the self-doubt, or at least putting in my earplugs to dampen its deafening screams, and embarking on this new project.

I’ll be writing and hopefully it will help someone out there feel like they too are not alone in whatever they are facing.

Perhaps sometimes I’ll be funny. Sometimes I’ll be thought-provoking. Sometimes I’ll be controversial. It still all depends on the time of the month, my hormones, my bravery and my not-give-a-fuckness. I’m also perimenopausal too now, so I’ll throw that into the mix. They’re not excuses or reasons. I’m just giving you the heads-up.

I hope you’ll join me for the ride.

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